Five Things Never to Admit to Anyone. Ever.

~ Adele Archer

Me in Raincoat

This is a dangerous post. This post could have repercussions; lose me valued friends and readers. This post would be better dismissed as one of my ‘not so intelligent’ ideas. Yet once that something is in my head, it’s very hard to dislodge it, so it often ends up being written about. Like in this instance. So, rightly or wrongly, this blog must be born. It’s out of my hands now – and the wrath is in yours. I apologise in advance if my shameful opinions offend you, but sometimes you must tentatively put your hand up and confess what you truly believe in – no matter what the cost.

I’ve never seen Dirty Dancing (and I don’t want to):

Dirty Dancing came out in 19Dirty Dancing87 and I would have been 16. It was huge at that time. The charts were filled with ‘The Time of My Life’ and ‘Hungry Eyes’ etc. I know people who have seen it scores of times; it’s that feel-good movie people turn to again and again…to feel good, I guess. But I’m afraid DD just passed me by. I’ve never seen it. I never went out of my way to see it. I’ve never had occasion to see it. Did they ever put in on TV? Because I’ve never seen it. And what’s more, I don’t really want to. I can’t see what all the fuss is about. I’m told the plot revolves around Frances (Baby) who spends the summer with her family at a holiday resort, and falls in love with the dance instructor, Johnny. Which I suppose might be alright for the premise of a movie – I mean, I have been known to like the odd chick-flick. But I’ve got a vague memory of seeing the trailer back in the day, and thinking ‘Baby’ was a bit too needy for my liking. Okay, I know what you’re thinking, I’ve never seen it and I have absolutely no right to judge. It may be your most favourite movie of all time – which is why this is not something I admit to very readily. Perhaps I should just bite the bullet and watch it someday – just so I can give an informed opinion whilst in an argument (and there’s bound to be an argument). But I won’t like it – I just know it.

Poetry: What’s that about…?:

Poetry

I’m really uncomfortable about confessing to this one. Since becoming a writer (or pretending to be), I’ve met a lot of poets – at least, I have ‘virtually’. We’re all on the writing scene together; we all frequent the same social media circuit. They’re a lovely, supportive bunch of people. It’s just I’ve never really understood poetry. Obviously, I must have written a poem once or twice in my life, but it would have been at school, and certainly because I was forced to. Maybe it’s the stanzas and the couplets and the tercets and the quatrains and the cinqains – the rhythm of the thing. I just don’t understand all the rules…or have the desire to. But I’ll be the first to admit that I have no flair for poetry, and I think that’s because I never really grasped its purpose. When I read poetry, I’m largely unmoved. This may well be due to the fact that I’m highly unintelligent, and a person with a more lofty education than mine would probably just ‘get’ it. Actually, I’m going to completely contradict myself now. There was one poem I liked, but it’s the same poem everybody likes (I’m very unoriginal): “Warning: When I Am An Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple” by Jenny Joseph. It was voted the UK’s favourite poem in 1996. And maybe it’s because it’s simplistic and doesn’t try to be too clever, and encompasses a lot of humour. So, that completely disproves my theory, then. Maybe poetry has its place; you just have to find the right poetry for you.

I’m sorry, but I don’t really like wine… *gulp*:

Wine I think I’m even less comfortable about admitting this. Wine is such a staple; an accepted part of our society that I’m really the odd one out when it comes to this beverage. Out to dinner with friends? Shall we order a couple of bottles of Prosecco for the table? Please, no! Need a quick gift idea? A bottle of red or white will always suffice (even I am guilty of this; I recently needed to buy somebody a gift and I discovered at the eleventh hour she was pregnant, so I couldn’t buy her a bloody bottle of wine – goddamn her!). I wish I did like wine, it would make my life easier. Nobody likes a non-wine-drinker. But you see it’s not just me being fussy or having unusual predilections: Wine actually makes me very sick. No other alcohol can make chunder the way wine invariably does. Having said that, I have been known to down the odd glass out of desperation. I once had to attend a kids’ school disco, and I risked drinking two glasses of white wine – just to kill the pain. And it did kill the pain. However, I felt pretty ill afterwards – and it wasn’t worth it. But if you’re interested, I do like gin – even if it does make me a bit aggressive. But that’s better than puking your guts up, right?

What was the big deal about Elvis?:

Elvis

There are two artistes/bands one must never, ever, ever disrespect. And those are Elvis and The Beatles (and The Beatles rule I thoroughly abide by, I LOVE The Beatles). But Elvis, though? Um… Elvis wasn’t played in my home (apart from on the radio), so I have no fond childhood memories. I didn’t particularly like his voice and I didn’t like his songs. If you were to ask me what my favourite Elvis track was, I simply couldn’t tell you. Don’t get me wrong, I know a lot of Elvis records, I just don’t particularly enjoy hearing them. I remember the day he died in 1977, I remember being very sad; it was a big deal. It sounds as though his later years were very unhappy and he was used and cheated by his managers, his untimely death came too soon. But I’ve just no artistic love for Elvis. I’m sorry, but there it is. Actually, I did like the live version he did of ‘Are You Lonesome Tonight’ where he’s in hysterics and he laughs all the way through it. That always makes me chuckle.

Nando’s: It’s just bland chicken…isn’t it?:

Nandos

I have frequented Nando’s a sum total of three times, so I think I am more or less qualified to have an opinion on this. It’s a Portuguese-style restaurant, originating in South Africa (like you do), and it now frequents many a British high-street. But is it me, or is Nando’s just…meh? Friends always seem to suggest going to Nando’s – ignoring my grimace of displeasure when it is announced as our chosen restaurant for the night. Nando’s, Nando’s, bloody-well Nando’s! On my first two visits to Nando’s I ate chicken; once a piece of chicken, and once a chicken burger. Chicken is what they are famous for. You don’t go to KFC and eat sausages. And I like chicken as much as the next man, but on both these occasions the chicken was overcooked and dry and insipid. On the third occasion I felt I had no choice but to eat the one item on the menu which was not made of chicken (a steak sandwich, I think) – which was a bit better, but chewy. Honestly, I’m VERY cosmopolitan when it comes to food; I like food from every nation – I even like a bit of spice, on occasion (not too often, overly-spicy food sadly upsets my stomach, however much I like it). But I do insist on flavour – something Nando’s doesn’t seem to care a great deal about.

Now look, put your flaming torches and pitchforks away. You can spend your life trying to fit in; trying to be appealing to every single person on earth. But it can’t be done. You can’t please all of the people all of the time. Sometimes you just need to stand up and be counted. Sometimes you must ‘fess up to your awkwardly different stance on those weighty issues. The beauty is in our differences – so we can still coexist, can’t we? Those are my opinions and they make me what I am. I’m sorry if my views are offensive and hurtful to you; a complete degradation of something that is very dear to your heart. But I can’t help the way I feel. And let’s face it, I’ve gone 45 years without Dirty Dancing in my life and have been largely very happy, so I’m not hurting anybody, right…?

NB: Oh, and to my friend Sally, I’m also sorry about Wuthering Heights, but it was horrible.

Published by Adele Archer

Author of contemporary women's fiction for smart, witty women who like to read about smart, witty women. And men. And children. And cats. Sometimes mistakenly classed as chick-lit, but the paperback versions are certainly good for propping open heavy doors.

30 thoughts on “Five Things Never to Admit to Anyone. Ever.”

  2. I’m with you on DD, not seen it. Last night my wife and I tried in vain to talk our 14-year old daughter into watching the Breakfast Club but she steadfast refused (same era film). Love wine (it’s in the alcohol family after all) and Elvis too. Great post! Controversy is key!!

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  3. I may have been forced to watch Dirty Dancing once?
    Poetry smoetry!
    I prefer white wine than red but I’m no conassure.
    Beatles every time. My sister-in-law is the Elvis fan in the family.
    I’ve never been in Nando’s! We don’t have one in town.

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  4. #1. There’s sub-text about DD, which I’m SURE they did NOT include in the trailer…it was far too um…sexual? (nah, we got that there was sex); forward thinking for the time in which the movie was supposed to be set (better..but no); let me give a spoiler (since it’s probable you won’t ever watch it). It has to do with abortion and someone (Baby as it happens) being braver than her over indulged and privileged background would indicate she might be (the abortion isn’t hers btw). And DD is about the ending of an era…a time when people began to realize that haves and have nots were basically all people..no class or status profiling required. Too bad the notion didn’t stick, hmm?
    I write poetry and it might or might not be bad poetry, but meh. It’s the effort (to me) that counts. Hell people don’t understand me when I talk to them, what difference does a little rhyme or prose make?
    I don’t like wine either. It’s sour grape mush..IMHO (I did have one really good California white once, but I’ve never been able to duplicate the experience and now I don’t drink at all, so it’s moot.
    I never ‘got’ Elvis either, but I also never thought all that much of the Beatles. I GET why they were important (both Elvis and the Beatles) to the progression of modern music and all, I just always wondered what the big fuss was about.
    There. You found someone even more out there than you. Hope it made you feel a tad bit better about your opinions! 🙂

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  5. Great post Adele. we’re allowed to not like stuff even if we think we ought!
    I dislike sport (apart from horse racing-and some would say I shouldn’t admit that out loud!)
    I hate swimming, oh I already mentioned sport but why would anyone CHOOSE to get in a swimming pool??🤔
    I hate work do’s, particularly themed. I hate whiskey, brandy and all brown beverages of that nature. What’s wrong with me, I’m Irish, I should have whiskey for breakfast, shouldn’t I??
    I could go on but I won’t. I hate people who go on…🤣 Xx

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  6. Adele, this is just bloody fantastic. Your blog is indeed my therapy. I do wish I’d spent more time at the other end of the building.xx

    P.s Elvis playing loudly in the car, singing along, surely one of life’s (guilty) pleasures.

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  7. Actually, if I admit it I’ve seen all of those movies listed on this blog site, once. Not big on them either. I’m sure if I started my list it would be longer. I will admit I love movies that get to me. None of the ones blowing everything up and people freezing in the air does nothing for me. Super Heros, nope not interested. I do like great SyFy and alien movies. As a writer, I always am analyzing the characters and their development through the story. I don’t think it ruins the movie for me, but I tend to judge them on how well I liked the characters. Weird I know.

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  11. Totally with you on Elvis…absolutely agree with you about wine…never been to Nandos – but “Dirty Dancing” was an iconic film from my teenage years, even though I am neither Dirty nor a Dancer…😸

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  12. Clearly, I have been away from the WordPress crowd for way too long.

    Don’t let the scarcity of exclamation marks at the end of my sentences fool you (a new direction I’m going in). This is the most hilarious bit I’ve read and the hardest I’ve laughed since Rosie O’Donnell (Google her) publicly tweeted she happily bribe any U.S. senator if they voted against President Trump’s tax reform legislation (obviously, no one told her that’s a felony punishable by years of imprisonment).

    Political comedy aside, I apologize to all the other lovely, talented bloggers I’ve met in the world. But I’m just gonna finally come right and say what I’ve always felt in my heart – Adele Archer, you are my absolute favorite AND most funny blogger! That’s TWO separate yet equally amazing titles, to be sure. And see, I even dug out one of my special exclamation marks just for you. This is how big a deal it is.

    No one consistently makes me laugh like you do, Lady Adele. Not even close. Wowza.

    For the record, I’ve never watched Dirty Dancing either, but not for lack of opportunity or serendipity. In fact, I’ve stumbled into so many unsolicited chances to see it, I’ve developed an almost kryptonite-like revulsion to it. I think cyanide is preferable. Generally now, when it comes on, I leap out the kitchen window or shove my foot into the TV screen. I simply have to remember whose house I’m in before I do the latter.

    As for the other points on your list, I’m basically with you on most except of course poetry. Obviously, I bear a certain affinity for it, although I do recall days in yesteryear when I was closer to your sentiment.

    On a general note, you’ve helped to remind me of something important. A variation of a remark I continually hear from time to time.

    If we aren’t offending somebody, we’re not standing up for anything worth believing in. Enemies, haters, and detractors are evidence of character and conviction. A useful lesson to carry around everyday, eh?

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  13. Thankyou for standing up and confessing out loud. I have the same view about Titanic, and I actually watched that! 574 hours of my life I won’t be getting back. But tumbleweed appears if you say you didn’t like it. I’m with you on poetry, against you on Elvis. Was brave enough to once admit I don’t like The Beatles. Wine is a staple food in our house, so any unwanted gifts you can send my way. Have just discovered you and this title caught my eye 🙂 Looking forward to reading some more 🙂

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